Dealing With Dementia Gifts

"No, your body is actually alive and well back on earth - your mind has just arrived at the gates of blissful dementia."

"We'd been on vacation when I lost sight of my husband in the streets of...umhh...in the city of...uhhh...well, sometimes dementia works to your advantage!"

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

'Luckily he has dementia so he's go some imaginary friends coming in to look after him.'

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

'You're getting too old for this game, Scott. ... They say the legs are the first to go.'

Alzheimer's Disease

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

Reaction News: All the news you thought you heard.

"I assure you that you don't have Alzheimer's because you paid my fee last week."

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

"The worse part is, I paid the doctor in advance."

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

Darling, I wish you'd stop the self defense classes, now you've got Alzheimer's.

'I've been having one long, continuous bad hair day for the past 25 years.'

"Don't worry if you can't remember where the drum is, grandad. I think your internal memory is full."

'It's worse than we first thought. She even stopped lying about her age.'

"The kids have sent us an app that reminds you what you were thinking twenty minutes ago."

Old Mother Hubbard gets Alzheimer's.

"Typical - Now I've reached an age where I don't mind phoning my mother, she's reached an age where she has no idea who I am."

"Due to cuts in the procurement budget we'll have to delay your operation until we get a hit online for your new hip!"

"A second opinion? - Oh, it's far too late for THAT!"

"I've forgotten what I came down here for."

'Forgetfulness is a problem for all of us and forgetting can be downright embarrassing. . . right, Melvin?'