Daycare Diplomat Gifts

Fenderson really knows how to pick his battles.

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Playground reputation.

Out of patience

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Who posted the hilarious pics of you with the goofy haircut? Not sure. Someone who wants to humiliate me. One of the usual cyber bullies. No. Meaner. Hmm

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'