Parenting Diplomat Gifts

"When I turned off his computer, he deflated."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Incompatible.

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

Set of scales with white family on one side and black people on the other.

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'