Backyard Diplomat Gifts

'Normally, a little conflict like this would be easy to resolve.'

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

Playground reputation.

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"Don't let him get to you. I'm sure there are lots of people you didn't invite."

'...It's O.K. hon', it's just the third world.'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

Militant Pacifists

Who posted the hilarious pics of you with the goofy haircut? Not sure. Someone who wants to humiliate me. One of the usual cyber bullies. No. Meaner. Hmm

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

EU

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

More Excuses to Stay in Afghanistan

Landing That Tough Account

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A mediator hasn't worked, so I brought in everyone's moms.'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'