Household Diplomat Gifts

'The work of a master.'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Incompatible.

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not just cleaning up - it's part of a conversation I'm having with Mum."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'