The Domestic Diplomat Gifts

Living Room Complaints

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

Incompatible.

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

'Your ambiguities are impeccable, young man - just what our department needs.'

"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

"The defense rests."

"What's wrong?"

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."