Domestic Duty Diplomat Gifts

'Since you're up there would you mind cleaning out the gutter, dear?'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Incompatible.

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

'Your ambiguities are impeccable, young man - just what our department needs.'

"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'You mean you DON'T accede to his every whim!?'

"I'm not just cleaning up - it's part of a conversation I'm having with Mum."

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'

"The defense rests."

"Peas and carrots, peas and carrots, always together... but are the really happy?"

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

Diplomacy

"What's wrong?"

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"