Domestic Duties Delegator Gifts

'Poor Adam -- now she's got him mowing the place!'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Incompatible.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

Man with cat on the end of fishing rod, catching fish.

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

Heavy-duty, super-capacity, two speeds, 10 cycles. All of them vicious.

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

'You mean you DON'T accede to his every whim!?'

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

Diplomacy

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

"I'm not just cleaning up - it's part of a conversation I'm having with Mum."

'Admit it, dear, you've been keeping sliced bread a secret all these years in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'

"The defense rests."

"Peas and carrots, peas and carrots, always together... but are the really happy?"

"What's wrong?"

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'