Domestic Delegate Gifts

"Hey, I built the nest. You feather it."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

God's Subcontractors

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Incompatible.

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"Never do today what someone else can do tomorrow."

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

'Ah, Williams, are you familiar with the term ‘Poisoned Chalice'?'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

'Admit it, dear, you've been keeping sliced bread a secret all these years in order to save our marriage, haven't you?'

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'You mean you DON'T accede to his every whim!?'

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not just cleaning up - it's part of a conversation I'm having with Mum."

"Peas and carrots, peas and carrots, always together... but are the really happy?"

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'