Marital Diplomat Gifts

'Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, except if your wife asks if she looks fat?'

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

Mixed marriage: food fight

I'm the ghost of arguments present, but the ghost of arguments past can show you why you won't win this one, either.

Biannual relationship conversation, new business. Item last: Feelings check. No, please. C'mon, let's share. Get it out How do you fell about me? It's biannual and agreed to by treaty. Oh, fine. I find you not wholly objectionable. My heart be still. Oh, Snookums. You're adorable. Not get ye lost.

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you because you're always drunk.'

'One of the problems here is that you don't let your husband finish a sentence. . .'

The Manager's Wife.

Frank Hires a Relationship Coach.

'Three things I don't think we should talk about ... politics, religion, and everything else!'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

Inclusive speech

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

"It looks like the 'because I say so' has it."

Career Choices

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'