Dating Diplomat Gifts

'They're lovely, but I want you to know I never say yes on first negotiations.'

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Set of scales with white family on one side and black people on the other.

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

Excess Baggage: If you can draw, you don't have to know the local language.

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

Landing That Tough Account

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"You can't have it both ways, kid."

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

Mixed marriage: food fight

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

American Eagle and the Dove of Peace

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

"I sure hope the negotiations go well."

His side of the bed, her side of the bed, and the demilitarized zone.

"Is this the table with a complaint?"

The Manager's Wife.

'Three things I don't think we should talk about ... politics, religion, and everything else!'

Frank Hires a Relationship Coach.

Permission to get to first base denied.