Divorce Diplomat Gifts

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Incompatible.

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

"What's wrong?"