Schoolyard Diplomat Gifts

"I'll trade you a peanut butter sandwich for your meds."

"You can tell your imaginary friend that I won't bully you no more!"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

Well, everything's going great! I guess it's time to bring in the naysayers.

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

Playground reputation.

"Don't let him get to you. I'm sure there are lots of people you didn't invite."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Set of scales with white family on one side and black people on the other.

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'

Landing That Tough Account

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"Come pick me up. This is going nowhere,"

"It was humiliating! First, he told me to beg and then he wanted me to roll over and pretend I was dead...so, I bit him!"