Parental Diplomat Gifts

"That's not a math lesson. That's just some notes to myself."

"Excuse me, Missy! Unilateralism has no place in this family."

"This is a funny way to buy my affection."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Incompatible.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

Who posted the hilarious pics of you with the goofy haircut? Not sure. Someone who wants to humiliate me. One of the usual cyber bullies. No. Meaner. Hmm

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'