Parenting Diplomat Pillows

"When I turned off his computer, he deflated."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

Incompatible.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'We think he has a future in politics.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

Who posted the hilarious pics of you with the goofy haircut? Not sure. Someone who wants to humiliate me. One of the usual cyber bullies. No. Meaner. Hmm

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

Set of scales with white family on one side and black people on the other.

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."