Dating Expert Wannabe Pillows

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

Yeah, you're right. She's playing hard-to-get.

Boyfriend of the Month.

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

The Stages of Wine

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

Ostrich Bar

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

Sharing Drinks.

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"I've had my eye on you for some time"