Dating Dramedy Pillows

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"You owe me five bucks."

"I can't believe he brought her."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

Love Bites: The Dating Game - "No, he loves me more!"

"I'm sorry Sharon, I couldn't possibly come in for unprotected coffee."

'This isn't the kind of animal magnetism I like in a man, Frank.'

"What wine would you recommend to compliment stony silence?"

"He's a terrible drunk."

'Before you say anything, just let me change my Facebook status to ‘it's complicated'.'

'What a surprise,darling - a squatter!'

"Don't walk away from me while I'm not paying any attention to you."

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"I haven't finished saying no yet."

Traumatized by the event, Goldilocks was never able to have a relationship with a hairy man: 'EEK!': 'This is my last blind date!'

"The worst part is she was sleeping with the guy she had paid to kill me."

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

"Was there ever a boy scout badge for 'caution'?"

"Oh super! Why do I always draw the short straw?!"

'You need to do more than rustle your plumage, sir, to woo me.'

"We can't go back to my place the cops are digging up the basement."

'I've just discovered how much we two have in common - including my boyfriend!'

'But enough about me, now let's talk about your money.'

"I feel like I have all this anger inside but no one special to share it with."

Sado-masochistic beauty rituals.

"Can't you do ANYTHING right?"

Hell Mark - Cards for every occasion.

"I'm leaving you, Spencer, while gas is still cheap."