Dating Dramas Pillows

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'It says, 'stand under an open manhole'.'

"I can't believe he brought her."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

Love Bites: The Dating Game - "No, he loves me more!"

"What wine would you recommend to compliment stony silence?"

"He's a terrible drunk."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'Before you say anything, just let me change my Facebook status to ‘it's complicated'.'

Downtrodden Abbey

'What a surprise,darling - a squatter!'

"Don't walk away from me while I'm not paying any attention to you."

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"I haven't finished saying no yet."

Traumatized by the event, Goldilocks was never able to have a relationship with a hairy man: 'EEK!': 'This is my last blind date!'

"His last words were, 'before I die, I must confess I've been unfaithful'. Then I shot him."

When Tia Carmen says... "Oh my god, no!" she really means... "They killed off my favorite telenovela character!"

"Was there ever a boy scout badge for 'caution'?"

No pressure

'You need to do more than rustle your plumage, sir, to woo me.'

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

"The worst part is she was sleeping with the guy she had paid to kill me."

'Phil and I have kissed and made up.'

"We can't go back to my place the cops are digging up the basement."

'I've just discovered how much we two have in common - including my boyfriend!'

It's not you, Tom. It's your, ah, um...'

'But enough about me, now let's talk about your money.'

"I feel like I have all this anger inside but no one special to share it with."

"The drama contains scenes of human decency and goodness which some viewers may find unusual."

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

Speed Dating/Speed Dumping

Drawing the Short Straw.