Dating Drama Pillows

"He's a terrible drunk."

"I can't believe he brought her."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

'This isn't the kind of animal magnetism I like in a man, Frank.'

Love Bites: The Dating Game - "No, he loves me more!"

"I'm sorry Sharon, I couldn't possibly come in for unprotected coffee."

"What wine would you recommend to compliment stony silence?"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'What a surprise,darling - a squatter!'

'Before you say anything, just let me change my Facebook status to ‘it's complicated'.'

"Don't walk away from me while I'm not paying any attention to you."

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"I haven't finished saying no yet."

Traumatized by the event, Goldilocks was never able to have a relationship with a hairy man: 'EEK!': 'This is my last blind date!'

No pressure

'Phil and I have kissed and made up.'

"Was there ever a boy scout badge for 'caution'?"

"The worst part is she was sleeping with the guy she had paid to kill me."

'You need to do more than rustle your plumage, sir, to woo me.'

"His last words were, 'before I die, I must confess I've been unfaithful'. Then I shot him."

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

"We can't go back to my place the cops are digging up the basement."

'I've just discovered how much we two have in common - including my boyfriend!'

"I feel like I have all this anger inside but no one special to share it with."

'But enough about me, now let's talk about your money.'

Sado-masochistic beauty rituals.

"Isn't this romantic—just the two of us by a fire as it consumes every letter from that tramp you almost married?"

"Wanna go out sometime – soon?"

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

"I'm leaving you, Spencer, while gas is still cheap."

"Osmond! Lower your eyebrows!"