Dating Drama Pillows

"He's a terrible drunk."

"I can't believe he brought her."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

'This isn't the kind of animal magnetism I like in a man, Frank.'

Love Bites: The Dating Game - "No, he loves me more!"

"I'm sorry Sharon, I couldn't possibly come in for unprotected coffee."

"What wine would you recommend to compliment stony silence?"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'Before you say anything, just let me change my Facebook status to ‘it's complicated'.'

'What a surprise,darling - a squatter!'

"Don't walk away from me while I'm not paying any attention to you."

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"I haven't finished saying no yet."

Traumatized by the event, Goldilocks was never able to have a relationship with a hairy man: 'EEK!': 'This is my last blind date!'

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

'You need to do more than rustle your plumage, sir, to woo me.'

"The worst part is she was sleeping with the guy she had paid to kill me."

"His last words were, 'before I die, I must confess I've been unfaithful'. Then I shot him."

'Phil and I have kissed and made up.'

"Was there ever a boy scout badge for 'caution'?"

"We can't go back to my place the cops are digging up the basement."

'I've just discovered how much we two have in common - including my boyfriend!'

"I feel like I have all this anger inside but no one special to share it with."

Sado-masochistic beauty rituals.

'But enough about me, now let's talk about your money.'

'Don't take it personally Dave, I'm just not into guys with ponytails.'

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

"Isn't this romantic—just the two of us by a fire as it consumes every letter from that tramp you almost married?"

"Osmond! Lower your eyebrows!"

'Finished-after I gave you the best twenty minutes of my life??'

"Wanna go out sometime – soon?"