Dating Dilemmist Gifts

'I haven't seen him in six months -- I like that in a man.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

'Is this the Lonely Hearts Club?'

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

Rusty and Molly's first date was going beautifully until the 'car tyre incident.

'How was my date?...It went OK. He paid for dinner, and he floats. I suppose that has to count for something.'

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

'It's silly to jump at the first man who comes along.'

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

"My computer doesn't understand me!"

"So how was your date with Smiley?"

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man, but you will dump him for a short, chubby, goofy looking doctor.'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

Weddings...

I always strike out on blind dates

'And then he yells MAN EATER and I say, MAN EATER?! MOI?!!'

'I'd offer you a ride home, but my car's only a one-seater.'

"After looking up my password, completing two-step verification, and proving I'm not a robot, I forget why I went to this website!"

All trails go nowhere.

"Dating is hard when you feel like people only like you for your legs."

"You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies?"

"I like that you refuse to be defined by your generation."

"No, I can't come out tonight, Darren. I'm washing my hair."