Dating App Swiper Pillows

"You don't look like your picture."

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Today's love

"I guess I misunderstood when I read you were into 'Bodybuilding'."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

cuPad

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

'That guy is SO tacky.'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

'Does your phone have a scanner thingy? I've got a barcode on my butt if you want my number.'

Using a social media app to date

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

Netflix and chill?

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

Boyfriend Shirt.

'He was taller online!'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

Captain Ahab receives a Dick pic

"I'll be honest with you, Jeannette, I'm looking for a no-load relationship."

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"Right swipe, right swipe, right swipe..."

"I'm looking for a dreamboat, not a shipwreck."

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder