Dating App Swiper Pillows

"You don't look like your picture."

"He was that needy, he actually asked me on a second date."

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"I guess I misunderstood when I read you were into 'Bodybuilding'."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Today's love

cuPad

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

'That guy is SO tacky.'

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'Does your phone have a scanner thingy? I've got a barcode on my butt if you want my number.'

Using a social media app to date

Netflix and chill?

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

Captain Ahab receives a Dick pic

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'He was taller online!'

Boyfriend Shirt.

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

"I'll be honest with you, Jeannette, I'm looking for a no-load relationship."

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"I'm looking for a dreamboat, not a shipwreck."

"Right swipe, right swipe, right swipe..."