Dating App Navigator Pillows

"How was my internet date? Put it this way, I went online hoping for broadband; I got dial-up."

"Mario Patrizio, Conte di Cellini-Vasconi --- Eurotrash or Eurotreasure?"

The dating questionnaire: 'Sorry sir, you've failed in two categories.'

"I guess I misunderstood when I read you were into 'Bodybuilding'."

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

"Hold on one second I'm just scrolling through your Instagram to get to know you."

'Your place or mine? Both. You go to your place and I'll go to mine!'

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

Lonely Hearts Dating Agency - "Mmm he's a bit of a dish."

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"You're not working as a crossing guard now, Brenda."

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"I need a man who will commit."

'Okay, I'll stand on the mantle, but she's never going to believe you bagged a duck.'

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

'George and I met on line!'

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

"I'll be honest with you, Jeannette, I'm looking for a no-load relationship."

Relate on-line: An error of type 4807 has occurred in your marriage.

"Do you think she's just playing 'hard to get'?"

"I'm looking for a dreamboat, not a shipwreck."

My card. Call me the next time you have serious lapse of good judgment.

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder

'Jeremy and I have decided to take our online relationship to a new level - real life.'

"To save time getting to know me, I've had a QR code tattooed to my stomach."