Dating Navigators Pillows

"They're all for staying out of trouble."

Gaydar Repair

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

"I guess I misunderstood when I read you were into 'Bodybuilding'."

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

'He's not so much a rough diamond, more a dumb block of carbon.'

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

Mine Shaft of Love.

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

"Thanks for that."

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

'Your place or mine? Both. You go to your place and I'll go to mine!'

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

Lonely Hearts Dating Agency - "Mmm he's a bit of a dish."

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"

"This isn't working out - I'm an earthworm and you're a....are you even listening to me?"

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

"I don't understand... I've scientifically proven that you were wrong. How can you still be mad at me?"

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"You're not working as a crossing guard now, Brenda."

...In a Relationship

"Once we're all vaccinated, will you still want to spend every waking moment together?"

Bumper Cars of Love.

'We tried marriage your way and it didn't work. Now it's my way!'

"Merely dating" "Lover's leap" "Undecided? Take a hike"

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"I need a man who will commit."

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'