Dating With Kids Navigator Pillows

'Remember when I said I had a little one?'

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

'I'm just using this while my monster truck is in the shop.'

"I guess I misunderstood when I read you were into 'Bodybuilding'."

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'He's not so much a rough diamond, more a dumb block of carbon.'

Mine Shaft of Love.

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

'You can't keep a middle school girl from wanting to impress boys, Valerie.'

'Your place or mine? Both. You go to your place and I'll go to mine!'

"I like to consider Third Grade as just another life hack."

Lonely Hearts Dating Agency - "Mmm he's a bit of a dish."

Bumper Cars of Love.

"You're not working as a crossing guard now, Brenda."

'I know we're not 'almost there,' but I keep asking just to keep her focused.'

...In a Relationship

"I need a man who will commit."

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'

"Merely dating" "Lover's leap" "Undecided? Take a hike"

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

"I just really wish things could go back to the way they were when we met last Sunday."

'That's my dad...Director of Homeland Security.'

"Look, like I keep telling what's-her-name here, we don't have a marriage problem."

"To be honest Marsha, when I first met Ted, I couldn't stand him. Then, over time, he just seemed to grow on me."

Another Hot and Heavy Night of Explaining

"Daddy's still up - I can see him loading his shotgun."

"First, you will meet Mr. Hot. Next, you will meet Mr. Cool. Then you will meet Mr. Right."

"Yeah? Well, I sentence you to death!"

'I like you and all, Adam, but I'm 'Graphic Novel' and you're just so 'Comic Bookie'.'