Data Gifts

"What are your policies regarding the collection and use of children's data?"

Businessman dreaming of pie charts when he sees a pizza.

The Canadian government trashes both the long-format census and long-format gun registry.

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

"That's a zombie, alright. But he's the worst kind. He doesn't eat brains, he eats data."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'