Data Humorist Gifts

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

"Pie charts are girlish. We're men, we use steak charts."

"Hey, Venn - back off! I'm a pie chart."

Bar chart

'Seventy three percent of statistics are made up on the spot.'

Pie company: 'Each slice of the pie represents slices of pie.'

'Who's been at my pie charts?'

Bar chart of unprecedented events

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"OMG, LOL!"

Atomic Bear: Part 21

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

She loves to play with string theory.

When bacteria trash talk to antibodies. Oh yeah?! You and what course of antibiotics?!

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"Will follow you on social media for food."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

'My dog ate my computer.'

How Glaciations Begin

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"