Data Disdain Aficionado Gifts

"He's charged with expressing contempt for data-processing."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Fear/Knowledge

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

Big Data Tonight

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

Aggression/Security

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'That one is a bit more expensive, but it comes with a profit.'

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

"Is this piece of artwork or a chart of current market trends?"

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."