Dark Humor Gardener Gifts

"Well it's definitely not a nasturtium."

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Hardy Annuals

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

The Phantom Of The Garden

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Paving over the window-box

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'I ask you, Larry the Landscaper, did you ever, under any circumstances, promise anyone a rose garden?'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

Wet weather footwear - shoes that are shaped like boats.

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

Crazy paving company.

God builds the first lawn mower.

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

'Manure, you say? We always put custard on our rhubarb!'