Comedian Gardener Gifts

'You haven't been talking to it, you've been nagging it.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Hardy Annuals

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Paving over the window-box

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

Burn All Your Garden Rubbish

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

Crazy paving company.

God builds the first lawn mower.

Wet weather footwear - shoes that are shaped like boats.

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'Manure, you say? We always put custard on our rhubarb!'

Avoid Constant Borrowing

Beware Of The Gnome - Look dear how quaint.