Comedian Gardener Gifts

'You haven't been talking to it, you've been nagging it.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Paving over the window-box

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

God builds the first lawn mower.

Wet weather footwear - shoes that are shaped like boats.

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

Burn All Your Garden Rubbish

Crazy paving company.

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'Manure, you say? We always put custard on our rhubarb!'

Avoid Constant Borrowing

Talk to your plants ??" but first, give them a chance to calm down.