Comedy Club Gardener Gifts

Hardy Annuals

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Zombie standup

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

If you hold the conch up to your ear, you can hear the ocean swearing at you.

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

Death Beggar

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Bob Odenkirk

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Paving over the window-box

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

God builds the first lawn mower.