Comedy Club Gardener Pillows

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Zombie standup

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

Death Beggar

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Paving over the window-box

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'