Dangerous Gardening Enthusiast Gifts

"You raised it from a mutant seed, you whack it."

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

Bird family on top of birdhouse surveying back yard: 'This place has all the amenities, including a master bath in the yard by the Zinnias.'

"I can't believe I went so long without A.C."

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

Impractical Gardener.

Botanical violinist

For the new gardener.

Redneck Flowerpot

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof!! When you die, may I hang you up in my garden for the blue tits..?"

Shoveling Snow in Spring

'Try not to sit still for too long dear, the convulvulus is really rather virulent.'

"He finds this time of year very stressful."

The garden of Bedlam

Leaf Blower Showdown.

"I don't get it. Mom's stupid vegetables are growing but the gumdrops I secretly planted haven't done anything."

Gardening for Beginners - 'Carnivorous plants don't like dog biscuits, I'm afraid!'

"I thought you'd like it. It's an orchid. pre-neglected!"

MONSANTO

"This is your third cousin Hermina. She was a bad gardener, but she always had the best tomatoes!"

"That's Terry. Terry once crapped all over Kensington Gardens."

'Can't you take 'em down the recycle centre like everybody else?'

"It seems that a flower is just a weed in drag!"

A sandworm eats a statue of Buddha

"Gosh,no wonder you're having problems with your vegetables,dad.Round cabbages next to pointed leeks is very bad Feng Shui!"

'I'm trying to increase my pocket money... Do you need some Guano to fertilize your garden, sir?'

Sinister birdfeeder

"Have you been talking to the flowers again?"

What's Going On Here? We are repotting the Geraniums of Mrs Beverly Seidel which we backed into with our maintenance trucks despite her repeated warnings....

Desert Island Rake

Throwing snails into next door's garden

'It's time to face it, Bernie. You just don't have a green thumb.'