Dance Avoider Gifts

'No, I don't like dancing.'

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Conga train chasing a man at a party.

Nervous at a party.

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

'Honey, I would love to go out with you, but I feel like an idiot at all your friends' parties. The conversations are always way above my head.'

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

The Sedentary Dead.