Dairy-free Diet Follower Gifts

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

A man in a car waits for a large herd of cows to cross the road; once they have crossed he finds a cow sitting in the passenger seat of his car.

Important Food Groups

All Natural Nothing

'Oh Hi!'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

'I think I'm lactose intolerant.'

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

Cheese Pile

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

Cute cow drinking from a carton from Nestle

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

"I AM following doctor's orders. He told me to cut back to one cup a day...right?!"

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"Cheese is just a substitute for the love you've never given me."

The Nihilist Deli.

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

A consumer guide to cheese.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"