Daily Life Jester Gifts

'It was a symbiotic relationship, one that had evolved over thousands and thousands of days'

"You owe me five bucks."

'We like your zip-a-dee. You need to work on your dooh-dah.'

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

"We're laying you off, but, as a favor, howabout one last pratfall on your way out?"

Dead & Breakfast.

'Please... take... a... moment... to... complete... our... brief... survey... to... help... improve... customer... satisfaction... '

'If you're going to send messages on the office intranet make sure you know who's going to get them.'

"The air I breathe is filthy..."

'Oh, Ferguson's not over the hill - He never made it out of the VALLEY.'

Road Work Ahead

Oh, girls...if you refer to me as 'Room Service' one more time, it's the last sleep-over.

'Thank you for holding. By the way, what were you holding.'

'Dad, I can't find any matches to light the cake.'

"Sorry, but nobody around here reads anymore."

'EKK!'

Epitaph - 'Is that all you got?'

Woman throws a book titled 'How To Get Along With Others' at a passer-by.

'You're not dead! Get back down there and keep living until we tell you it's time to come up here!'

'My wife keeps threatening to divorce me...unfortunately, it's only a threat.'

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

Death buys a new lawnmower.

"My bowels are like clockwork. I go every morning at 6 am. The problem is I don't get out of bed until 7 am..."

'You weren't always faithful so some of your prayers went to God's spam.'

"This is a real good deal. If you take the Gigaburger Family Four, you get free liposuction vouchers."

Student to other about shredded paper: 'Some of these used textbooks have really been through the grind.'

'He catches all kinds of things when he's fishing...colds...flu...lumbago...rheumatism...'

"The torture game is certainly a lot easier these days."

'He says you've used up all of your plan minutes.'

"I thought I'd contracted a sexually transmitted disease. It turned out my boyfriend activated the heated seat function on his pickup."

"I want my tombstone to say 'unoccupied'."

How come you're so relaxed? wasn't today the first day of the school holidays?

Fighting for life.