Daddy Duties Pillows

'What happened to your paternity leave?'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'Not that net!'

"No no, I said sit!!"

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

Dog yoga

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"First class, or with children?"

Golfing Boss

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'