Cynophobics Pillows

"He will only bite if he thinks you are afraid!"

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Dead Funny

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

The Forever Stamp

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"'City Slickers' was O.K., but, let's face it, it was no 'Claire's Knee.'"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Famous Oxymorons...

"You've got to help her ... she has developed a fear of flying."

Monster Realtor

Dentist Trip

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

Superhero with Acrophobia

'Hello, security.'

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."