Cynophobia Survivor Pillows

"If one of them touches me..."

'Don't worry, he only bites scared children...'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"He said his screen is frozen again."

'Hello, security.'

"I wish I had known you have arachnophobia before I paid."

'..to be your lawfully wedded husband? If so, signify by saying one of the following...'I definitely do', 'I might', 'I don't', or 'I definitely don't'.'

'Don't worry, he's very friendly.'

Rubbing alcoholics anonymous.

"Before we conclude this meeting, is there anyone who needs to finish sucking up to me?"

Would you like it engraved? Yes please put to my one and only love. That way if we break up and she throws it back at me, I can use it on someone else.

Danger! Snake heaven.

'The one thing I hate about summer - great big moths coming in at night.'

'Honey, that spider's in the bath again!'

Bee

So how long have you had this fear of spiders ?

A New Doom & Gloom Will Open Here Soon.

"He will only bite if he thinks you are afraid!"

"He loves his wife, likes his job and is always happy. Me, I 'm not happy if I'm not unhappy."

'I am literally allergic to positivity.'

Politicians never leave footprints in the sand of time - they're too busy erasing them.

Huddling Lampposts

'EKK!'

"Of course I'm after your money, you haven't got anything else."

This isn't funny anymore...

Judge about to hit spider with mallet.

'I don't hate Mondays -- I FEAR Mondays!'

"Don't worry, he'll even eat off your hand."

"What good is all this cynicism, Butler, if you don't use it in figuring billable hours?"

"Ahhhhh! There's a spider!!"

'I'd like to find romance online, but I'm, ya know...afraid of the web.'

"Say 'ahhhhhhhh!'"

'Hello - I think I've found your lost dog...'

"Relax. It's just a movie."

"I know it looks a brut but you shouldn't feel a thing"