Cynophobia Comrade Gifts

"Don't worry, he'll even eat off your hand."

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The Forever Stamp

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

The finer points of marriage.

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'Hello, security.'

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'You buy low, sell high, leave it all to your unappreciative kids, then die. That's it...'

"I have nothing to hide."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

Born Cynical,,,,