Cynophobia Conqueror Gifts

'Don't worry, he's very friendly.'

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The Forever Stamp

Famous Oxymorons...

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'Dr. Wit specializes in treating patients with a fear of low places.'

'Hello, security.'

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

'I knew I should have bought more insurance.'

'You get to see the countryside, meet interesting characters and relax traveling this way. Besides, I'm scared of flying.'

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

'Your, 'Never can come out in public' session is over. After I leave the room, you come out and slink away!'

Rubbing alcoholics anonymous.

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

Would you like it engraved? Yes please put to my one and only love. That way if we break up and she throws it back at me, I can use it on someone else.

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

'Help me, Helen! I'm feeling a momentary lapse of cynicism!'

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'