Cynical Gazer Gifts

"Not another f**king rainbow."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

The Forever Stamp

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

The Government That Cried Wolf

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Will Self deprecation

Dirty Tricks Dept.

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Bush vs. America

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

'That's it?'

'This model comes with F.S.H - P.S. - E.W. - C.C. - A.B.S and B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.'

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

'Huh! Nobody home!'

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'