Cynic Observer Gifts

'This model comes with F.S.H - P.S. - E.W. - C.C. - A.B.S and B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.'

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The Forever Stamp

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"With great power comes great reward."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

Dirty Tricks Dept.

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

Will Self deprecation

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

The Government That Cried Wolf

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Suggestions Get Shredded.

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Diogenes and tourists

Bush vs. America