Cynic Observer Pillows

'This model comes with F.S.H - P.S. - E.W. - C.C. - A.B.S and B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.'

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

The Forever Stamp

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"With great power comes great reward."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Will Self deprecation

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

Dirty Tricks Dept.

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Suggestions Get Shredded.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Diogenes and tourists

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."