Cynical Observers Pillows

Congratulations

'The names change but the hogwash remains the same.'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"With great power comes great reward."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

Dirty Tricks Dept.

The Government That Cried Wolf

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Will Self deprecation

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Suggestions Get Shredded.

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

Diogenes and tourists

A Diverse Cabinet That Looks Like America

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Black Friday

Bush vs. America