Cynical Charmer Gifts

But, I guess what it comes down to is this, in a world so full of pain and suffering, at least I can say I wore fun ties.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

The finer points of marriage.

Hare tells tortoise: 'Remembe the plan: on the final stretch, you go down.'

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

"But is it art ?"

'Yes is no longer god enough. Can I get an Amen?'

'You buy low, sell high, leave it all to your unappreciative kids, then die. That's it...'

"Ah, damn. Now I'll be triggered all morning."

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

"I have nothing to hide."

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

"MY dad says that a man calls himself a bachelor until he gets married. Then he calls himself a bl**dy fool."

Born Cynical,,,,

Oink.

'A conflict of interest? But that's my favorite kind of conflict.'

'I suffer. What do you do?'