Cynical Charmer Gifts

But, I guess what it comes down to is this, in a world so full of pain and suffering, at least I can say I wore fun ties.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

The finer points of marriage.

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

Hare tells tortoise: 'Remembe the plan: on the final stretch, you go down.'

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

You're a man of the world, Mort. You've seen things in your time, haven't you? I've seen things that would curl your toes. I've seen dust as tall as mountains sweep across the plains. I've seen a swami mystic turn a dying beggar into a soaring dove on the banks of the Ganges. I've seen Republicans and Democrats work together to pass legislation that moved America forward. You had me until you got to that fairy tale. I've seen a time when houses cost just twice your annual income.

"But is it art ?"

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

'Yes is no longer god enough. Can I get an Amen?'

'You buy low, sell high, leave it all to your unappreciative kids, then die. That's it...'

"I have nothing to hide."

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

"Ah, damn. Now I'll be triggered all morning."

'There's always a catch'

Born Cynical,,,,

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

Oink.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

"MY dad says that a man calls himself a bachelor until he gets married. Then he calls himself a bl**dy fool."

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

'A conflict of interest? But that's my favorite kind of conflict.'