Cynic Seeker Gifts

Politicians never leave footprints in the sand of time - they're too busy erasing them.

"He loves his wife, likes his job and is always happy. Me, I 'm not happy if I'm not unhappy."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Famous Oxymorons...

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Someday

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Gullibility Test $1.00.

Will Self deprecation

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Diogenes and tourists

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'This model comes with F.S.H - P.S. - E.W. - C.C. - A.B.S and B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.'

'That's it?'