Cyber Sloth Gifts

'You've heard of a couch potato? Well he's a mouse potato.'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Sloth 10K.

"Careful! He knows computers."

Homo Zapiens

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

Computer Crimes

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

'Hey, somebody's been accessing MY email too!'

"Don't mind me, folks, I'm just here for regular system maintenance."

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

CIA Recommended TVs

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

"Remember when they used to call it the 'private sector?'"

"I've memorized so many passwords, things are starting to get weird."

"With all the cybercrimes corporate had to bring in a new guy, Supergeek."

"Siblings? yes, I'm one of seven."

"You know what I wish? I wish there was a foundation that gave grants just to lie fallow for a year or so."

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

'Boy, there are days I feel like doing even less than I usually do...'

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

'Computer crime seems to be on the rise.'

Data security officers run frantically out of reactive data security room, while another data officer relaxes in the predictive data security room.

Web cams. Web scams

"Sure I remember you. I'm terrible with faces but I never forget a username, pin or password."

"Didn't anyone ever warn you about opening an e-mail from someone you don't know?"

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'