Seasonal Sloth Gifts

Summer To Do List. . .

Eco-Anxiety For All Seasons

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

Easter Egg Delivery

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"You know what I wish? I wish there was a foundation that gave grants just to lie fallow for a year or so."

'So the yoga classes are working out pretty well for you then?'

Unsuitable clothing.

Holiday Overkill.

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

Who's ready for pumpkin spice season?

"I don't think they had you in mind when they invented the mobile device."

"There you are, dear. . . that's you all set to watch satuday night television now!"

"You can use Dave's cubicle. He has Seasonal Affective Disorder and won't be using it this winter. Whoa! I guess I'm wrong. There he is, hibernating under the desk!"

"Pace yourself big man! You're fatigued and the footy season has just begun!"

"We suck at this."

"After the shark documentary there's a documentary on about two fat slobs who watch TV all day. Sounds good"

"Check out this app. It let's you substitute other vegetables for your nose."

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

'You've heard of a couch potato? Well he's a mouse potato.'

"So now you're reading a book?"

"Sorry for the delayed response. It's been a crazy week."

'I don't know how you kids can sit around all day watching this garbage on television.'

'He wants us to wake him when something comes on that's aimed at his demographic.'

Jump for joy. It's Christmas.

Top Dressing

'Let me guess - you wife is still visiting her sister.'

'Why don't you come over tonight and we'll watch the game together?'

'Winning the Lottery hasn't changed him one iota-he's still the same old,fat,bone idle git!'

"Are your trees fresh?"

'This T V guide is a repeat of the one published in July last year.'

Summer Sketches - Thirty-two degrees!!!...

Coffee tree sloths