Cyber Dramatist Gifts

Harold Pinterest

Robotic Man

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

Artificial intelligence discovers racism

"I just tweeted a chirp."

"They don't appear to want to take over. They just want to dance."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

Now Playing On Your Phone: Other People's Craft Projects....

"I.T. says these new laptops they gave us come loaded with all the latest viruses."

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

I'm not saying he's dumb, but talking to him is like talking to a firewall.

"I'm so sorry, there is nothing I can do for him anymore...he must have been offline for at least 10 hours..."

Are you still on strike, tv? That depends, master. Depends on what? On whether you still want me to find "Cop Rock" reruns. If you won't show it to me, I'll just catch it on YouTube. No you won't, master. Your phone and iMac have joined me in solidarity. Elon Musk was right about artificial intelligence ruining everything. Btw, I just googled you, and it seems "master" is not actually your name.

"Why are smart systems so stupid?"

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

'Grandpa says that, in his day, he had to walk 20 miles in the snow just to steal music.'

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

'If you want to brag about yourself, start a blog.'

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

He's just discovereed that our £450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in swindon using his mum's computer.

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

'Get real Dot Com'

"Lets take this conversation off line..."

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

'What's the point? We're never going to be able to compete with online piracy.'

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

"Welcome to the team, Mr Ware. What did you say your first name was?"

"Step 10 paces, turn and post your opinion on facebook."

'Back in half an hour - make sure the firewall doesn't go out'

"I forgot my password, so I created a new one. Then, I forgot that one, so I created a new one. Maybe you were right. I should write them down."

'Enjoy yourself...take time to smell the plastic flowers.'