Cuteness Critic Gifts

'Oh, yeah, they're cute until you can no longer claim them as dependents on your tax return.'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"I know it's misspelled, but market research shows that cute sells."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Military style hedgehog

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

Pam learned the importance of browser support.

Man Inside TV Produces Ideal Viewer

"...and yes, you did take too much off the top!"

World Exhibition - At the Champs-Élysées - from 3 to 6 o'clock, great exhibition of petticoats

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

'Boss, he followed me home. Can I mentor him?'

The Bland Leading the Bland

"She's genetically modified, you know."

Cocooning: "I still don't understand what's so cosy about it."

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

"If my mother and father had wanted to see Yves Saint Laurent's initials on my possessions, one supposes they would have named me Yves Saint Laurent."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

"Oh my god, you guys, a puppy!"

'I tried on these jeans. I didn't think they were stretch jeans, but they stretched.'

How to recognize a German tourist...

"This would be perfect! If it were a different style, in a different color, from a different store."

'Google Earth is getting SO precise! Right now, I'm zoomed in on Kathy Mangiante's face and I can tell she's had lip implants!'

'Don't worry, Finnegan... it doesn't matter how you answer the questions in a job interview. Every time they ask you something, just tilt your head sideways in that adorable way you do and they'll be putty in your hands...'

'Man, I wish she would act her age.'

Romee Strijd caricature

"No no, you haven't inadvertently crossed into Canada, it's me who's on vacation in the USA..."